Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize