Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
