bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
