Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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