I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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