her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
