It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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