i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, beer. Big fan.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
