He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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