He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
