so that wasnt chicken after all
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Randomize
