I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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