He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
