Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
no, he came in my armpit
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize