My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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