The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
