After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Every concussion has its silver lining
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
