he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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