He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
