I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
