WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize