Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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