I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
