ugly people sure do ruin things
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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