What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize