We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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