we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
