i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
