What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
