She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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