found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
