And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize