i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
a search helicopter?!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
whose ass print is on the piano?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
