it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
