Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
