There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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