so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
