The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
