If i come over, it means nothing
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it because I queefed?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
