I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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