you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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