come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
