So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
