My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
