wanna go halves on a baby?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
