Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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