it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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