i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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