kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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