The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
