I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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