Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
