this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize