Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
