is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
