I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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