Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
