ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
