ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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