I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
4 words: hood of his car
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize