Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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