Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
