She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
