i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As shirtless as possible
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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