So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize