Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
