I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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