I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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