is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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