I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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