Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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