just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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