Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
