you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
