you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
