if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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