i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
