I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
