hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize