Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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