This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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