youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
