she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
