I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
