is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
