It was confusing and full of hummus
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
