Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
