found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
