I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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