i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
