I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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