Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
