Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize