I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We left the knife in your bed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
