they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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