Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
