he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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