Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
please don't ironically join a cult
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
