Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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