oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
