I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
