he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
