we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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