Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
