On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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