you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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