If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
